I am a tad bit drunk right now but that's okay....so tonight we went to TriKap (where sketcheyes attempted flirt with me but tripod prevented his progress). Then went to reds at SAE. It was crowded and drink tasted like piss.

Then we went ot GDx or TDX or whatever the football frat is and met changstein who took us back to River appt....Chungaroo had like 4 shots, I had maybe 1.5. We needed to ditch that bitch so we just took off...wino stayed there and Chungaroo and i set off on our mission to get oil for hte tripod. We stopped at SAE where we found (sober) sketchmeister (different from sketcheyes...what can we say, we attract loads of sketchers). He asked to take us to the gas station called "The Fort" and we were like "ummm sketchy but yeaaaaaah"....ended up being the gas station 1.0 took me during orientation. We shared an omlet/homfries/toast which was delish and Sketchmeister payed for it b/c we were drunk. I think mayb ehe was expecting a blowjob or something but we were not down. Also chungaroo literally asked his name 15 times and couldn't remember and went pee like 12 times. Instead we demanded shots at AXA (which we went back to and drank almost an entire bottle of champagne to ourselves). Maineman (wild card) told us not to trust sketchmeister and we drunk called Kami. Oh yeah, also we drunk dialed Dave harbage, sean hardy, and Tucker hill at Changstein's appt. But anyway, we were in sketchmeister's room and he was being sketch and wildcard booted so we decided we needed to ditch those bitches. Chungaroo told Benji that we were on a mission to get alcohol for us at Cohen and so he gave us an unopened bottle. It was tiny though so we went to the kitchen and told a brother that we were taking the bottle of alcohol that was there "up to benji's room". Then we put it in our jackets and ran back to cohen. C dropped one bottle on the ground but picked it up and ran faster to cohen. We wish wino was here but oh dear she did no responed to our texts. I hope she is having funnnnnn!

Chungaroo is running around banging into things saying she needs to pee and "put her computer back so there is energy". I will suggest we play pong with robinson. byebye.

*edit nobody is here except nerd herd b/c its like 4 so we might chill with them...but funny story...the alcohol which we got from the kitchen chungaroo had to find the cover for. Strange thing: she found the wrong cover apparently b/c bobbers looked at her shirt and it's soaked with alcohol which was not previously there. So um, bobbers looked at this bottle to wonder how the alcohol dripped all over the floor/shirt and alas the cover was not on. WTF wrong cover lol!!!! Shit alcohol all over my shirt and floor but that's okay because we have free alcohol. lalala goodnight.

**edit #2: chungaroo and I went to trikap and played pong with sketcheyes and his friend . Chungaroo kept falling all over the floor. Then she did a mad cock blocking move and said "camera took a shot omg we she's drunk we have to get help her" and we ran off...but then we ewnt back b/c she forgot her ID. We couldn't find it but this asian dude saw us walking out and told us "why are you leavign? You should watch the sunrise"...so we went up on the "beach" and yelled penis at hte newspaper lady. At that time, phi delt guy named vin broke the window too.

Then we went to SAE and phidelt window dude followed. Some time through all of this we saw Christian leaving with his suitcase and I sat on it....Now we are sitting on chungaroo's bed eating snacks and Wino is back woooooooooooo!

Some smoothy action

"why does she have asthma?"
-wino

"SALACIOUS WENCH!"
-chungaroo

Pre-Outing Quote

"I'm really good at swallowing stuff I don't like..." "That's what she said"
-a bobbers and treehugger masterpiece

omg bitches pong game @sig nu.
welly was def off w/ goo while c&b were playing pong! also we're NEVER GOING BACK TO GDX!!!!!!!! fat ugly people only. ewwwwww. sketchy men who say cheeeesy lines like "hello beautiful." GAG. we would rather have nerds peoples.... AKA sig nu. hahahahahahahahaha.

omg. bobbers is passed out on my bed. i may have sprained my ankle. the life altering q: to put her in her own bed? or why bother???????

WINO UPDATE - the morning after (because on a Sunday, 3:45 is still morning):

Too much sketchy punch and two missing legs = A particularly Goo-ey situation

Moral of the story: Even with two 10-12 pagers to do... Still not worth missing a Saturday night out

And "OMGWTF DID WE REALLY DO THAT?" at certain Zhenka-inspired-James-Bond-esque drunken infiltration

Bobbers update:

my quote of the night "my finger is bleeding (finger gushes blood). It's like I got my period on my finger"

Also chungaroo "Ditch these bitcheeeezzz" at the dance party.

Lunch drunkery: Chungaroo tried to sample some fro yo which resulted in the appearance of an ice cream poop. A still drunken bobbers nearly shit herself with laughter. Poop is funny.

I do appreciate symbolism after all. . . I wish all the assholes in our lives a lot of diarrhea and boogers.

**When Bobbers doesn't get sleep:

I realize some people need their sugar fix. Don’t get me wrong, if that’s how you roll, so be it. I don’t have a problem with that, just as long as you take your bicycle to open garages. I DO have a problem with trying to burglarize locked garages. I know I know, sometimes you’ve just got to have the cookie.

To D-Bags: But if that’s the case, you don’t need to A.)tell someone you don’t care about cookies and get pissed when they don’t bake you any right away or B. )try to convince someone to bake quick-bread who blatantly is not down for baking with packaged mix. Sure if you enjoy their company, be friends and go get your cookies elsewhere. That’s very respectable and absolutely nothing wrong with that. I promise they’d rather that than you fucking with them by doing the following:

Situation 1: The Retarded Way

Asking if they would like to be cooking (not baking) partners while you’re in the midst of cooking. . . it’s much much easier to convince someone to bake once they’re comfortable in the kitchen. Surely even the densest of a person will wonder why you’re asking to be official cooks when you’re already in the kitchen.

Situation 2: Easy-Bake Oven Route

Of a more ivy-league-esque approach is asking for offical cooking partnership shortly after meeting each other, but not whilst cooking. This is generally effective considering it takes a legitimate effort to cook. Smart method: of course the person will assume you must actually want to cook or else you wouldn’t be committing to such a role(mwahahha). . . . WRONG. Give it a week or two and: “Oh shit, this isn’t an easy bake oven” and you really don’t feel like waiting for the regular oven now do you?

Situation 3: Too Much Snot In Your Life

The slyest, most covert, and most effective way to fuck with someone is chilling in the kitchen with them for a while. Assuring them you don’t care about baking, and you want so badly to cook with them. No dessert is A okay with you. But all of a sudden while you are making a meal, you urgently must smoke/relieve your diarrhea/ pick your nose/whatever lame-ass excuse. I give two examples:

Situation 3A. ) Uh oh, you feel the gurgles coming on. You have to poop. Of course you knew you’d have to poop eventually, but whatever, cooking is fun in the moment. You know you’re only staying until nature calls, and then you’re gone like a bat out of hell. You’ve got better things to do. Who cares what your cooking companion thinks. They can deal with the mess on their own, because sitting on the toilet is a lot more fun than clean up duty. You alert your partner you have diarrhea and disappear off the face of the earth.

Situation 3B. ) Oh god, must pick nose! Humongous snot suddenly appeared in your life! . . . Wait, didn’t you always have snot? Won’t you always have snot? And doesn’t everyone have snot? Why yes, yes, and yes. But you also have a major sugar craving which this nutritious cooking stuff just isn’t fulfilling, and that is making your snot feel unrealistically large. Perhaps you should’ve thought of your sugar needs before you made this person think you soooo badly wanted to enjoy healthy dinner with them. Oh but poor you, you’ve got this honkin’ booger that’s really clogging your life. And not enough hands to pick your nose and cook at the same time. Who cares if you’ve spent all this time cooking a meal, when you’ve got a fucking booger (and a fucking sugar craving which you can never admit because then you will have been lying). You must leave the kitchen at once! You proclaim that you just don’t have enough hands to cook and fiddle with your nostrils. You must go ASAP, despite the fact you really wish you could stay for the meal since your cooking buddy is “such a great cook.” You supposedly care so much about this meal but really, you’ve got to deal with this exceptionally large volume of green shit in your nose. Clean nose is significantly more important than a meal. Plus there’s no way the possibility of a cookie here is worth all of this nutritious cooking. You take off like a rabid skunk, not giving a rat’s ass how the meal turned out… Cuz you’re heading to the nearest bakery! Delicious cheap, labor-free cookies that’ve been fondled by lord knows how many hands. No matter though, still satisfies your craving. Oh wow, ironically your booger issue seems to have disappeared since you left the kitchen. . . no finger interference necessary.

Okay, now some aftermath situations:

Situation 1: Disappear off the face of the planet/ avoidance. Believe it or not, this is actually the most favorable of routes. All trust is lost after aforementioned horndog behavior is executed, so least communication is best.

Situation 2: After being intimate for (1week/months/whatever the time period was), suddenly cut your conversations to things you’d ask a three year old: i.e. “What are you eating?”, or, “You have an avocado” all the while pretending you’re deeply interested in the conversation.

Situation 3: Ignore person/ make eye contact but don’t speak. This behavior may cause your respectability to be lowered to less than a dog’s. This is especially horrible when you’re with a friend who greets the person, but you don’t. This action elicits the person’s friends to want to chop of your penis. Also elicits the person, if presented with the option of fucking you or a dog, to choose fucking the dog.

But actually I would like to thank d-bags in my life for reinforcing my views of refusing cheaply packaged stuff. I only bake homemade thank you very much. Quickbread doesn’t taste anything like warm, fresh, homemade banana bread baby . . . and if poor baby just has too much snot in your life or can’t wait for the oven, enjoy the bakery. Mmmm stale doughnuts. Homemade goods for nice patient boys only. Piss off douchebags.

And while I'm at it....what kind of man makes a girl walk back by herself, in the dark....after you frickin tell her to "go now" or spend the night. Especially after a hand/blow/whatever job. This suggests homosexuality. Perahps you make her walk home alone because you subconciously wish she was a man and didn't want to be walked home. Escort the lady asshole!

In conclusion, I wish to all the assholes and horndogs of the world lots of diarrhea and boogies. So charming of me J

I feel better, time to get back to studying, tra la la lol

-Bobbers

Top 10 LIST of LIFE

As winter term comes to near close (say it isn't so!), it's time for a top 10 LIST! (in an attempted chronological order...no promises. Drunkaries are suspiciously hazy)

1. KINGS: awk.freshman girls, a pre-douchebag 1.0, sketchprof, sketch-but-forgettable-friend, KINGS w/ champagne, "I like Big Butts", meeting giraffe, beginning of love-hate (this is all you B) relationship w/ SigNu. Best Intro to college ever? I think yes.

2. First Night Out: Hmm....poppin' our dance-party cherry. So began our romance w/ le Chi Gam Stripper Pole. For W and C this also led to introductions to the d-drunken hookup scene. W + rando, C + floorcest man/pongo (bahahahaha lol fo life). Wino also met Changstein! of all chances. universes collide.

3. CockblockerBobbers: Panarchy Rave! i recall sweat, and lots of it. C hit up d-tails (the one benefit of my brief stint at the news), stole shots for W&B (considerate even under the influence), and started the night classy w/ Amarna Wine and Cheese. After sufficiently drunking ourselves (in my case...spilling most of it on myself) headed to RAVE. sluttiness may have ensued. This was the night bobbers established herself as designated cockblocker of the tripod. Ladies were all impressed.

4. FallTerm.0...not really a top 10 by any means, but a fall term memory/lesson-learned-the-hard-way about about boys (we'll find it funny when we're old and wrinkly...right? RIGHT?) Also the night W&C decided to PREGAME d-tails...wow good job us! oh god. Mistakes of the night: 1.0, x.0, s.0...you know, the usual. further negative interaction w/ .0's (aka: k.0, v.0, 2.0 even?) continued to occur. Learn yo lessons bitches.

5. End of Term Madness: Sad that W had left there side, but SupaPumped after last exams were finished, B&C set out for a final end-of-term hoorah avec un autre ami. Hmm...night ended w/ said ami and Chungaroo passed out (even caressing SAE's toilets at some point, err...), and a drunken B babysitting: success was ours I would say. Kitchentalk was particularly memorable. Ooh w'all also met 2.0 said night, c's 'hobby' the following term. Quote of the night: "We Don't Get Drunk" um yeah guys, about that...

6. First Night Back: Tripod, reunited after winter break, set out to start the semester right way. That we did. Tri-Kap dance party! this slightly deaf girl remembers a particularly awesome deeejay. bobbers put lessons on sexydancing to much good use, shakin it down w/ some lucky fella. W re-met Changstein! beginning a series of interesting winter term interactions/blitzes/discussions on guindians. C shared sketchy tongue-in-ear man w/ W (AHHHH i know trauma, but i had to include it), made-out w/ sketcheyes (wow. cla-ssy), and found jewboy's seriously fruity tongue in her mouth. again. avacado alert. Oh god. slut.

7. Hi my name's Bobbers. I am a teenage mom. Wow, we spent a friday night in? amazing I know. But B's introduction to her 14-year old pregnant xanga past was beyond epic. Too many amazing moments: SEA-section, unwed mommy school, MATTHEW and his baby stats, "i know a lot of you haters don't believe me, but i'm just a young mom trying to do what's best for my baby." BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This chungaroo cannot remember laughing that much in recent memory.

8.Rando Winter memories that I cannot piece together: sad, i know, but my old age is getting to me! Or that could be the grey goose talking. Here goes: A-Man (hiking! gusanos! nail clippers!), Changstein...and drama that followed, Tripod's general whoring around for alcohol, SAE beach party (oh hello v.0/2.0), Girl's Night Out: Amanda and Renee's FABULOUS dancing at Champong (um if there are two better dancers, i'd like to see them PLEASE),bobber's pantsless WC night followed by signu-floor-nokissonlips-alum-hookup....hp dinners!, becoming Renee the '11 trip leader chillin w/ my homegirl trippes of Nature Hiking, my undeniably AMAZING nicknaming ability (wellytubby, TripleG, T-Dog, CHANGSTEIN) oh god. i'm so fantastic.

9. GLEE par-taaaaay: Despite the epic failure that was fall-term glee party (wino, meet barf, barf, meet wino) post-requiem shindiiiig was FUN. mozart would have seriously approved. glee people + free hard liquor + complete lack of boundaries = lots of fabuloso drunkeries. Um, gleekup of the century? Goo + wino. Duuuuuur. Poh-taaah-tooos. also, "ewwww, what did chungaroo eat that was purple and wrinkly?" um, wine-soaked mushrooms, dumbass. what else could it be?!?!?! Wino's drunken quote: "when I'm drunk, I get horny. Anybody works, even that fucking wooden door!...That's what happened with S.0)

10. Weekday Warriors: Recent, but still epic. Sad about lack of weekday fun, girlies braved a wednesday night out! WOOOO! W was sober, but rest of us (aka the alcoholics) comforted ourselves in the southern style. Wino discusses night at length at earlier post, but some highlights: convincing floor of our (in)sanity, b's enthusiasm over so-co, i like my CHEESE, a certain 40% rum-baby named Mr. Boston (thanks ad!), Jungle-JUICE at kap^3, c's sick-nasty cock-blocking, Chi-Gam PONG, nerdy Kings, Pink Zhenka, losing Pink Zhenka, "I was a GOOD friend. I didn't make you move when you were throwing up!", GINGER (oh god), being drunk the next day, and for me: morrocan pancakes intoxicated. Ooh yeah baby.

Though far from a comprehensive list, i would deem this a pretty good overview of our general naughtiness/debauchery fall-winter 09. Oh Spring term, i look forward to meeting you ;)

xoxo, chungaroo

Drunken Tripod Spreads its Legs

Once upon a time the drunken tripod set out to find anything but keystone. After much deliberation, they decided to hit up AXA for some post-frat/soriority mixer tails. After 3 shots each in one hour, they began a rousing game of kings. Alpha Chi sketch-on-wino’s-boobs-man , so kindly poured us mixed drinks. Being the responsible drunken tripod they are, they decided to terminate the game early. For the next hour, the drunken tripod was slightly off balance: apparently they went to use the facilities at signu and wino “slipped down the stairs”. T-Dog tried to get the tripod to go back to C-3 by bribing (the already severely intoxicated) legs with tequila. “If you guys go back to C-3 I’ll bring tequila)”. Needless to say, the tripod was not down to end the night prematurely. They declared they were heading to trikap and were off. *Note the tripod does not recall the signu visit. . . they were informed by T-dog the next day.

Trikap was a blur. . . all that needs to be said is that chungaroo went with 2. 0, Wino went with changstein, and Bobbers went with sketcheyes. Oh shit, the legs were spread a bit too far. Tripod always seems to spread it’s legs at the end of the night.

Wino attempted to cockblock Bobbers but failed. Chungaroo attempted to cockblock Wino but failed. In the end sketcheyes refused to vacate Bobbers’ room and Bobbers had bandage her nipples the next day. Bobbers never wants to breast feed.

-Bobbers

A sober recollection of C and B's drunkeries

Wednesday March 3:

First weeknight out of the term. Unfortunately, one sober leg (me)... An hour or so of unfortunate sober, motherly supervision with two Soco-filled girls (but better than writing a research paper on Iraq, as Bobbi so aptly pointed out). Off to Cohen, but not before a trip through Novack (our favorite drunken ritual)

Chungaroo to girl selling Wendy's hamburgers:
In a drunken, stumbling fashion: "I'm the kind of girl who needs her cheese"

Before the night was through, the gals channeled their inner badass... Running across the Green with a stolen handle of rum (to fill some stolen plastic cups from the week before... followed by some stolen cranberry chaser, of course).

Next morning at collis before my 10A: Run into a somehow-still-shitfaced C on the couch with her Arabic buddies. Apparently, she ran into her Arabic class (and prof) on her way from some rando hook-ups dorm... Did I mention he's a fucking GINGER?!? Well, I guess I can forgive her with time...
Also, night before... pong: Bobbers, Chungaroo, and two of my past hookups. How fun!
Hm, even when the third leg leaves, she's still there in spirit.
Her counterpart Amanda wasn't there, but C still introduced herself as Renee throughout her night. Our alter-egos live on.
More tripod adventures this term? Only finals will tell...

-Wino

In the Beginning...

Hey y'all, welcome to 'Tails of the Drunken Tripod. It is, as so succinctly put above, a collection of classy but sassy literary recollections on our fantabulous (often drunken) tripod. Now without further ado, I introduce the lady legs of aforementioned tripod: Bobbers, Wino, and Chungaroo. We are also frequently joined by treehugger, our tripod's camera, slightly more sober but a just as rockin' addition to our floorlove.

Just who are we? We are some ballin' ladies that like to laugh, live, drink, cock-block, cock-chop, suck inkballs, and drink lots of mother f'in tea (seriously, we pee chamomile).

Most hopefully, this bloggy will be a rib-tickling recall of the bizarre but seriously hilarious events that govern our lives. Also, it is an opportunity for chungaroo to show off her mad nickname skalllz.

Alrighty let's get this show on the road.

xoxo, chungaroo (asian gossip girl in da house. HOLLAAAA)

p.s: while we certainly don't condone alcoholism (what? shots in the afternoon? we would NEVER), as a certain jewish oprah once said, "a sober two-legged tripod cannot stand...a drunken tripod CAN." Words for the wise everone, words for the wise.